Through His Eyes

Tired eyes, bright baby blues shut tightly now

Button nose snoring softly

Bow tie lips closed in satisfaction

Dimpled hands still clasping my shirt

His body curled round my belly.

That belly I hate for its roundness, flabbiness after two babies and no exercise

It hasn’t been flat since my 20s, but it was never so hard to hide

Never such a point of contention while dressing in anything other than leggings

Never was the need for Spanx so strong!

He doesn’t care that I haven’t lost the baby weight;

I am everything that is warm, soft and comforting in this world

And that belly, it was home to him.

 

With his head on one of his two favourite pillows:  my breasts

The breasts that inch closer to my waist after each kid and each year I move closer to 40

Always big, but once round and perky

Now they feel saggy and a bit sad in nursing bras and old t-shirts

But to him, they are his happy place, his new home.

My arms that jiggle underneath, never toned and tank-top ready

He sees as strong and able to lift him up high in the air, almost touching the sky.

Those big hips of mine, always so hard to hide in pants and dresses

He loves to sit squarely on, perfect for mommy-son dance parties round the kitchen.

 

He doesn’t care that I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth

He lives for grabbing my unwashed, unbrushed hair when let down

It doesn’t matter that I haven’t dyed it in who knows how long?

He is mesmerized by my smile, doesn’t see teeth that aren’t straight or bright white

He loves my face, not seeing the bags under my eyes or my dry, blotchy skin exposed

Not hidden under the makeup I’m too tired to apply.

 

Each morning and after each nap, when he sees me from the bars of his crib:

I am his rescue;

His knight in PJ pants and a top knot.

He giggles as I dance silly in front of his high chair

In clothes worn two days in a row

Too busy to put on something new that still doesn’t fit

Something that would have just gotten covered in baby puke, purees or half chewed finger foods.

 

My voice is his favourite sound, best when singing a lullaby before bed

Or a made up morning song about poop or pee

All day long I am entertaining

My jokes are hilarious

My games are genius.

 

He laughs at his big sister, grins big for Daddy

But so often, he only has eyes for me;

He searches for me in a crowded space

Spies me from across the room while in another’s arms

He finds me and his face lights up

He smiles that smile that brightens each day

All gums and a few tiny teeth now

He looks as if he has never seen anything so wonderful in the world!

 

And in turn, I melt

My heart explodes and expands passed the point I thought possible

I go to a place where I am everything:

Wonder Woman

Goddess

Queen B

And everything in between

 

There will come a day, too soon I fear, when I am no longer his whole world

There will be time to lose the baby weight

Days for fancy pants and push up bras.

I choose to savour the snuggles instead

And see myself through his eyes:

Perfect in my imperfections, perfect because he chose me as his.

 

I will rock my new mom-of-two body

Be proud of all that it has done bringing two gorgeous souls into this world

What it still does to give life and love to two tiny people!

To them I am more than enough, just as I am;

I am perfect as the person they call my favourite name to date:

Momma.

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