Tired eyes, bright baby blues shut tightly now
Button nose snoring softly
Bow tie lips closed in satisfaction
Dimpled hands still clasping my shirt
His body curled round my belly.
That belly I hate for its roundness, flabbiness after two babies and no exercise
It hasn’t been flat since my 20s, but it was never so hard to hide
Never such a point of contention while dressing in anything other than leggings
Never was the need for Spanx so strong!
He doesn’t care that I haven’t lost the baby weight;
I am everything that is warm, soft and comforting in this world
And that belly, it was home to him.
With his head on one of his two favourite pillows: my breasts
The breasts that inch closer to my waist after each kid and each year I move closer to 40
Always big, but once round and perky
Now they feel saggy and a bit sad in nursing bras and old t-shirts
But to him, they are his happy place, his new home.
My arms that jiggle underneath, never toned and tank-top ready
He sees as strong and able to lift him up high in the air, almost touching the sky.
Those big hips of mine, always so hard to hide in pants and dresses
He loves to sit squarely on, perfect for mommy-son dance parties round the kitchen.
He doesn’t care that I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth
He lives for grabbing my unwashed, unbrushed hair when let down
It doesn’t matter that I haven’t dyed it in who knows how long?
He is mesmerized by my smile, doesn’t see teeth that aren’t straight or bright white
He loves my face, not seeing the bags under my eyes or my dry, blotchy skin exposed
Not hidden under the makeup I’m too tired to apply.
Each morning and after each nap, when he sees me from the bars of his crib:
I am his rescue;
His knight in PJ pants and a top knot.
He giggles as I dance silly in front of his high chair
In clothes worn two days in a row
Too busy to put on something new that still doesn’t fit
Something that would have just gotten covered in baby puke, purees or half chewed finger foods.
My voice is his favourite sound, best when singing a lullaby before bed
Or a made up morning song about poop or pee
All day long I am entertaining
My jokes are hilarious
My games are genius.
He laughs at his big sister, grins big for Daddy
But so often, he only has eyes for me;
He searches for me in a crowded space
Spies me from across the room while in another’s arms
He finds me and his face lights up
He smiles that smile that brightens each day
All gums and a few tiny teeth now
He looks as if he has never seen anything so wonderful in the world!
And in turn, I melt
My heart explodes and expands passed the point I thought possible
I go to a place where I am everything:
And everything in between
There will come a day, too soon I fear, when I am no longer his whole world
There will be time to lose the baby weight
Days for fancy pants and push up bras.
I choose to savour the snuggles instead
And see myself through his eyes:
Perfect in my imperfections, perfect because he chose me as his.
I will rock my new mom-of-two body
Be proud of all that it has done bringing two gorgeous souls into this world
What it still does to give life and love to two tiny people!
To them I am more than enough, just as I am;
I am perfect as the person they call my favourite name to date: